top of page

Trying to Create Stories for Weird Stock Photos

Something I've recently been made aware of is how weird some stock photographs are. I cannot, for the life of me, figure out the rationale behind some of these photos. Like what was the conversation that happened for these scenarios to seem useful. Well I'm going to try and come up with stories for some of the weirdest stock photos I could find.

Stabbing Lesson by Getty Images

I thought we'd start with an easy one. This is Betty, Betty has the kids in training. See, the family is going through a rough spot and I know Betty doesn't look like it but she had to do some dodgy things to get to where she is now. Betty used to down abandoned drinks at bars for free cigarettes. No one could down back-wash like Betty. Now her daughter is serving time for punching a koala at the zoo and it's time to get back to the hustle. No one will expect those mini angels to be so handy with a knife and she'll be raking in the money!

Cheap Clown by Getty Images

In case you haven't realised yet, yes I made these captions. So this photo of Finn was his star headshot! Finn knew he was acting material from a young age. His dramatic scenes never lifted off on YouTube like he expected, but lets be honest Hollywood is corrupt and not ready to accept this alpha from humble beginnings. So this photo was to capture his comedic value as an actor and he just knows there'll be a bite any day now.

Eye Teeth by Getty Images

Poor Edward, as if it wasn't hard enough being born with an eye where his mouth should be but he also has teeth eyes. Edward was home schooled, for the best really, his creepiness makes babies cry. And while those babies scream his momma suffers flashbacks of breast feeding little Edward. Those were difficult... painful times. But things are looking up, he just beat Finn in an upcoming role for a horror movie. Everything's coming up Edward!

Albert's Food Death by Getty Images

Oh Albert, why'd you always have to piss off the wrong people. Albert's only weakness was food. Mrs Pennywickle tried to poison him with arsenic ridden spaghetti meatballs but the fool has the metabolism of a rhino. Now I don't actually know if it would take longer to digest arsenic if you were a rhino but for the sake of this story lets suspend disbelief. Mrs Pennywickle was left with no choice, no one cheats at her poker games and gets away with it! Lenny knows his station, play the tunes and get rid of bodies. It's a hard life on the B&B strip.

Cracking Shells by Getty Images

Finally, this is Mark. You may have heard of feral children but have you heard of poultry children? Mark has been raised by chickens his whole life. He has adapted to living off seed and scraps, giving him a stomach of steel. Mark was always bottom of the pecking order, oh when will his feathers grow in? Without his feathers Mark uses his shell to keep warm like a naked, clucking Boxtroll. Some might say Mark could come inside from the chicken coop any time he wants and just live like the rest of us. But I say Mark, you keep avoid responsibilities and taxes with your feathery brethren. There's times I wish I could join you.

I hope you enjoyed my mini explanations behind these bazaar stock photos, I have more saved up so let me know if you'd like a part 2!


bottom of page