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What Do you Want to Look Like?

Updated: Mar 24, 2020

Photo by Louis on

I don’t know if I’m the only one who feels like this but I’m hoping someone can relate so I don’t feel alone on this.

Every few months or so I get hit by this feeling. I don’t look on the outside how I feel on the inside. It’s not something I can place my finger on. It’s not, “if just do this it’ll be fixed”. It’s far too much that spins around in my head at once. Ideas on how I can express myself through my body. Here are my top ten that nearly always come up:

  1. New hair colour

  2. Get a dramatic fringe

  3. Get a new piercing

  4. Get a new tattoo

  5. Change my wardrobe

  6. Get my nails done

  7. Get false eyelashes

  8. Shave or cut all my hair off/short

  9. Fake tan everywhere

  10. Wear glasses

I get surrounded in these ideas and obsessed that I can’t be happy without at least one. I get an overwhelming feeling I’m not being my genuine self but I don’t know what my genuine self is.

As such I have 8 tattoos, 7 piercings, 3 piercings that are now removed, 1 tattoo that’s now covered, a history of every hair colour and style you can think of, tattooed eyebrows, on/off fake eyelashes, on/off fakes nails and on/off fake tans. My wardrobe and style moves from scruff to glamorous to studious to goth to well… anything.

Who am I? I don’t really think I know. And maybe that’s why I have these surges of feelings I don’t look like me. How does someone remedy that? Find themselves? Urg, how cliche. Maybe my dislike for cliches will keep me this way forever or maybe I will “find myself”.

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