Updated: Mar 24, 2020
Photo by Louis on Pexels.com
I don’t know if I’m the only one who feels like this but I’m hoping someone can relate so I don’t feel alone on this.
Every few months or so I get hit by this feeling. I don’t look on the outside how I feel on the inside. It’s not something I can place my finger on. It’s not, “if just do this it’ll be fixed”. It’s far too much that spins around in my head at once. Ideas on how I can express myself through my body. Here are my top ten that nearly always come up:
New hair colour
Get a dramatic fringe
Get a new piercing
Get a new tattoo
Change my wardrobe
Get my nails done
Get false eyelashes
Shave or cut all my hair off/short
Fake tan everywhere
I get surrounded in these ideas and obsessed that I can’t be happy without at least one. I get an overwhelming feeling I’m not being my genuine self but I don’t know what my genuine self is.
As such I have 8 tattoos, 7 piercings, 3 piercings that are now removed, 1 tattoo that’s now covered, a history of every hair colour and style you can think of, tattooed eyebrows, on/off fake eyelashes, on/off fakes nails and on/off fake tans. My wardrobe and style moves from scruff to glamorous to studious to goth to well… anything.
Who am I? I don’t really think I know. And maybe that’s why I have these surges of feelings I don’t look like me. How does someone remedy that? Find themselves? Urg, how cliche. Maybe my dislike for cliches will keep me this way forever or maybe I will “find myself”.